When your soul calls
Changes.. these will happen throughout your whole life in various ways. I have changed so much- but I can honestly say not as much as in the last year. It is like a whole personality shift- nooo (wrong choice of words) not a personality shift cause I am still me- but evolved (does that make sense?). Evolved to who I always was meant to be, but just didn’t know it until now. Mentality, emotionally. The shift however you would call it, is clear as day.
I am not a superstitious person, I don’t really believe in fate or what is meant to be will be mentality- until I did. I think this goes about most things, you need to experience it firsthand before you can validate it.
Let us dive into a little more personal backstory for this article of mine.
I was always a ambitious driven person, dreams, goals the works and they have changed through the years and settled into something that just connects (writing, creating). I am also a very connection focused soul. I don’t attach easily, but when I do- I am all in and would likely be for life- until the other party decides differently. It is just not in my dna to give up when we hit a rough patch, it is part of being one of the living. The harder etches or rougher patches, don’t diminish my love for you. But unfortunately the people who I let close to me- didn’t all feel similar.
Without going to much into detail about all of this, because it is just not the focus of this story- I just wanted it added because it is however a very big part of the why later on.
The losses of the people who I thought would be with me for life cut and hit hard. Even though I have managed my emotions about these departures- it still smarts today. And most likely will be for a long time to come- since I am me.
The disconnect however, from what I thought was my being and sense- grew wider and wider- until the breach was to wide to cover up. And that is where we somewhat starting this little story of mine.
A little over a year ago, when everything was shifted, and the ground under my feet felt like quicksand- I stumbled upon Thailand.
In my teens and 20s I have traveled- but since whatever happend in my past put solid lead on my feet I stayed put and tried to make my life work. But somehow- Thailand found me in the most random of ways. My curiosity was sparked- interest was what made me look deeper and eventually now 14 months later transferred into love, into my where I am supposed to be. So much so that I am writing this knowing that in a few short months I am relocating to the other side of the world.
I can hear you thinking- ohhh such a whimsy girl. But sorry no, I am the furthest from whimsical. But how Thailand came to me and how we ended up here does make me wonder about the ‘how’ of things.
Normally people find a connection when on a holiday, I did with the UK all those years ago. But Thailand I never been. It got me interested, I made online friends, they took me with them to explore on FaceTime and all the while the claws grew hooks and now I am too deep into it to find my way back and I am here planning my departure.
This article doesn’t do the feelings justice. The how of it all- how I ended up here to this, to Thailand which I feel with all I am- that will be the conclusion to my story years and years to come. I feel with all my being that after all I have been though, the hardships of it all- it led me here. Something guiding me towards Thailand. A country I have never ever been remotely interested in, all I have learned, made me fall in love.
Paradise, the land of smiles. Soft. And I’ll be honest with you I am a soft person, emotional, sensitive, not really made for this little life of mine here. And so far all I have been introduced to in Thailand seems that I have been just stationed in the wrong country and societal ways for too long. Everything inside me screams and hollers me back, back to some place I have never been.
And here we are now. In the middle of visa protocols and immigration. It is a lot. And the end is nowhere near close- but my destination is. Thailand we are coming for you… I am so ready.
