Some Thailand related questions

Since I’ve posted my last article I had a pretty severe influx of messages. And a lot of questions. I expected some of it, but not to this degree.

Since it was all pretty overwhelming and some questions too personal and therefor will be private- I will answer the one’s I feel comfortable sharing.

Let’s start!

–Wouldn’t you miss your family and friends?

Ofcourse I would. Those that I will leave behind I will miss. Like I said in my last article I don’t attach easily so when the bond is formed it will be there. However crude perhaps to say, these bonds are not what make me not choose my happiness and future.

–Aren’t you scared to this alone? (I am asking this as a woman myself it sounds so scary)

No, this move doesn’t scare me. It only excites me. I am ready. And yes it is a whole new country, culture, people, food, language etc. But that only fills me with the eagerness to explore and learn.

–Are you going cause your heart is broken?

This is a complicated question. And no easy yes or no answer. And also not a full disclose answer I am willing to give, like I said some things should be private matters.

I can say this, yes my heart has been broken to pieces. And the person who did it last was the biggest break I have ever endured. This tremendous pain however made me realize something very concerning- I always choose those close to my heart over myself. And this mindset has not been working out, because ofcourse it can’t. I always knew it, but chose not to listen to my insides screaming back at me. I needed to be sure that the other party knew I was always there, that my feelings for them were never in question and they felt loved and cared for, I was a safe place to turn to.

This made for something that eventually became a separate entity and something that was completely out of control and swallowed me whole. It always did, but the need to care for was more ingrained than the need to protect myself.

So what you can most likely gather from this little back story of mine is that I have a lot of work to do for my personal boundaries and make sure that my relationships are healthy and evenly reciprocated.

So am I leaving because of a broken heart? Not only, but it is a factor. I think what is more prevalent to state is that I am leaving because my spirit is broken. And it is not something I feel that can be healed here.

I need a clean slate. And a do over. And take all that I have learned though the years by myself and with help of therapy to translate that into something I know that works for me. But it can not be done with what I am leaving behind. Because I have learned, I know how to do better but the environment I am in does not.

-Is your dog coming with you or are you leaving her behind?

Yes she is coming with me. There is no plan to ever leave her behind. She is everything to me and gave me so much all these years. I want to give her this with me. For her to see a different side of me, somewhere free. Where we can grow again together and just enjoy each other.

-What are you most excited about?

Well everything really. I can’t wait to explore the culture, meet new people, enjoy the food, make my merits. And turn this chapter of mine.

-What if something happens to people you leave behind?

Something can always happen, to them or to me. No one knows what tomorrow brings. It is also not a mentality I am driven by. At least not anymore. I am now focused on my present and future. And try to worry about things that warrant worrying. Everything else that lives there in that mind of mine is still there, but I am trying to voice what needs to be voiced. And try to live my life that way.

-When will you be leaving? Did you already buy a ticket?

For privacy obviously I will not say the exact date. Some things are just not safe on the internet guys. But I will say within the next couple months and yes I have bought my ticket!

-What will you be doing there?

Same as I am doing here work wise. I will continue to write and release my books and keep working like I am now. Besides that I will explore a whole new country and it’s possibilities.

-Will you be making Thai content?

Yeah- I think that is something I really like to do.

-What does your family think about this move?

Well for privacy reasons this is another one I cannot answer fully. However I can say that they are not trying to stand in my way because they know the type of person I am. And something big like this is considered through, choices made responsibly and with thought and mindful of my future.

-What do your friends think about you leaving the country?

They are happy for me. And support me. They have voices that they will miss me, but also that they love a vacation address haha or should I say 555. (when you know you know)

-Where in Thailand are you going?

Well I will be starting in Bangkok. Or I should say this will be my home base. But I will be exploring Thailand.

-Are you nervous about the language barrier?

Yes a little. I have started learning the language. Since writing it is most important to fully understand and comprehend the language I am in the first stages. Spoken, I understand words and sentences in conversations and music and can even express myself limitedly (for now). I am a bit of a polyglot however and am able to pick up languages. I did a couple years ago with Turkish and Kurdish. So I am not deterred now.

That is it for now guys! I will be back. But for now I will enjoy the rest of evening before the new week starts (at least here in the Netherlands) and I hope you enjoy yours! TWMA!