Mental health is important. We know this, or some of us think about this on occasion, some may ignore it’s importance at all.
I myself have been in and out of therapy since I was in my teenage years. As a young girl my family sent me there because I was not something they related to, so there must have been something seriously wrong with me. So it was up to the ‘good old doctors’ to find the cause – and more importantly cure the cause.
Well, decades later I can’t say they “succeeded”. Not because I’ve been born wrong, not because I am a lost cause. I am ‘simply’ me.
Mind you, for me this was not ever once just ‘simply’ I never felt I belonged somewhere, felt out of place all the time, but tried immensely just to fit in all the same. Behaviorism I still struggle with till this day. To not find common ground, I find it almost impossible to make connections with people. And when I do make some sort of connection with some one – friendships or relationships it doesn’t really matter and they drift away for one reason or another… it’s impact registers so heavily for someone who turns out to be neurodivergent.
Upbringing, trauma, or anything of sort is unrelated to this. Obviously all that shit heightens what is already there, stimulans, triggers, experience is measured differently with someone who is neurodivergent, someone for example, someone like me- a hypersensitive person. And yes for those with skepticism reading this, this is not a trend, this is something very difficult to tread, and it’s real.
I have heard all my life comments like- “Don’t be so sensitive! Don’t let everything get to you! Why are you the way that you are?! Stop overthinking every single thing! Who cares what they say or think about you? Don’t be so negative all the time (you’re out), enjoy yourself for once, don’t be a bother these are normal crowds. Why do you seek attention, this is not about you!”
And I always took these comments as a failure to my person to heart. Until recently I thought of them as personality flaws. I am the problem, always was, people can not relate to me, people experience me as different, so I must be. I see it, people don’t (always) react favorably to me, and it bothers me afterwards so much, I go round and round in my mind what it was I did so wrong, why these people speak so strongly to me, what could I have done differently, why don’t they like me. Even my own blood, who don’t really bother about me at all, if I mention me, I am someone who seeks attention.
Attention? Never had it, have no way to relate to what it is, I am and was always the dependable one, responsible, call me when you need me.
Let me tell you it is fucking exhausting.
About the last two years
So obviously this shit I deal with on a day to day basis started bothering me more and more. Plus all the shit I’ve been dealt with in my life. So back to therapy it was again. Every therapist is different, and not every therapist you meet you will connect with. But I did find one amongst the deplorable masses (excuse me, but not really!) and he saw me. Not the whole picture obviously, but the man almost immediately got a very good grasp what the fuck he was dealing with. But he won’t ever word it as such. He took the time to talk, gather the information he wanted/needed, and started with subtlety to get me receptive to try and sort out some things.
I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a young girl. So these symptoms and their correlations I am familiar with. PTSD is something added to the mess. But me being neurodivergent is not something that happened down the line, it is me- apparently. And even though this is something only very recently discovered, it feels like the first fucking relieve I’ve had in a long long while.
This is me, there is a name for it, it is not something I am lacking, I just am. And with the right people this will be okay. For someone who is fighting her failing self for 30 years I can tell you that since this therapy session a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I did not fail, I am different. yes, it is for me very hard to deal with on a day to day, but me as a person, as an individual is not something born wrong, something undesired, I “simply” lacked the understanding.
What does it mean to be a hypersensitive person?
-You avoid certain movies or tv shows- cause they make you feel unsettled and too intense. -Being deeply moved by beauty- either expressed in art, music, nature, visuals sometimes it can even be a commercial. -Being overwhelmed by sensory stimuli- like crowds, noises, bright lights, or even uncomfortable clothing. -Feeling a need for downtime- and no this ain’t a preference, especially when you have hectic days, the need (literal need) to retreat into yourself. -Having a rich and complex inner life- deep thoughts, feelings and emotions are all that goes with this. -People can be overwhelming, criticism, tonations, and overall demeanor can be really overwhelming. -And even the smallest of things make an impact, more on you than on someone else. Music, a meaning in a written text, or maybe even a Tiktok video, they grip you and from there take you, and it will take conscious effort to recognize and regulate, to let it go.
Mental health nowadays
Let just say from a person with a certain amount of experience, mental health is a trigger system and will always be. There is not one right way to go about it, and every day is different. Same as the triggers within the day to day life. You’ll find this easier to spot along the way with help, or with extensive research on your own, to recognize these triggers, to gather the awareness of it. You can acknowledge this. On the journey that is called life.
If you have a mental health issue, this shit will most likely be something that sticks very closely to your person for the rest of your life. Therapy will help, self work even more so. I do see myself that mental health is something trending. For those dealing with it, on whatever level I am positive when you read this, you will agree with me and say this shit is just shit. It is not a trend, it shouldn’t be, BUT, it is something that should be discussed. However I do think for people really making do with this, did the (self) work and who have gathered their focus points- then those awarenesses can be the starting point for advice, where you can share and maybe help someone else dealing with something of the sort.
For me what does this mean?
Recognising it is about it for now. I did enough work to recognize patterns off my own behavior, I can acknowledge triggers, my emotions and handling it are still something I am working on. As I said earlier on in this article- mental health will always be a work in progress. If you are unfortunate enough to experience this shit, cause in my personal opinion it is shit, it will be a battle always.
And when you are doing the work- and make it known to those around you it will be a learning curve if they accept it or not. If they accept you as you are or not. And even though you feel and experience the world differently from those around you, with whatever, it doesn’t make you less. It only makes you other. And that is just fine.
Wonderfully written it is good to see you online again and also to see that you upgraded your site now to English and subtitles! Can’t wait for all that is coming.
Wow amazing article girl I can see why this would feel like a relieve to you the knowing so happy for you that you found it. I really can not wait to see what you will come back with next!
You do owe still that Q&A article I send in three questions oops 😮 hahahaha
Echt heel erg interessant girl en fijn is dat erachter te komen dat wat eerst onzeker maakt nu eigenlijk gewoon is ie je bent en dus 👍🏻
Gewoon lekker jezelf zijn en hoogsensiviteit is niets om je voor te schamen al kan ik uit deze blog
Haleb dat je dat gelukkig ook niet doet. In mijn persoonlijke mening vind ik dat dit alleen maar siert en het maakt je een puur gevoelig mooi mens
Ohhh wat ik nog vergeten was in laatste reactie net heel goed dat je je site nu meertalig aanpakt kun je alle kanten op en geeft mensen die moeite hebben met Engels de kans om het te vertalen 👍🏻
Just wanted to say that this is wonderfully written and explained and I am very happy for you that this was discovered even though way too late and that you have a starting point to go from now. Best of luck with everything and I can not wait for whatever more you are gonna put out there 😀
You are a beautiful person I can tell even though I don’t know you if you can write something like this yes you feel deeply and are surrounded with maybe too much bad people. That may be hard to hear but if you have to wonder if you are good or enough it isn’t. With the right people this don’t excist.
Don’t wonder about yourself anymore. You have the capacity to loo at yourself, see yourself warts and all and still make a difference, this article is just a example of that.
Show here what you maybe can’t show out there ❤️
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12 Comments
Shanta
Wonderfully written it is good to see you online again and also to see that you upgraded your site now to English and subtitles! Can’t wait for all that is coming.
Maria
Wow amazing article girl I can see why this would feel like a relieve to you the knowing so happy for you that you found it. I really can not wait to see what you will come back with next!
You do owe still that Q&A article I send in three questions oops 😮 hahahaha
Love Maria
Jackery Salem
You know I have autism obviously not the same type of neurodivergence but it does make feel your sentiment deeply. Beautifully written xx
Miss Luna kitty
Im not ND but this was a very interesting read
Marléne
Very interesting read 👍🏻
Georgie
As a fellow nd this is excellently explained and truly well written bless you
Connie
Tell me all about therapist not being one and the same took me almost a year to find a fit!
Lotte
Echt heel erg interessant girl en fijn is dat erachter te komen dat wat eerst onzeker maakt nu eigenlijk gewoon is ie je bent en dus 👍🏻
Gewoon lekker jezelf zijn en hoogsensiviteit is niets om je voor te schamen al kan ik uit deze blog
Haleb dat je dat gelukkig ook niet doet. In mijn persoonlijke mening vind ik dat dit alleen maar siert en het maakt je een puur gevoelig mooi mens
Lotte
Ohhh wat ik nog vergeten was in laatste reactie net heel goed dat je je site nu meertalig aanpakt kun je alle kanten op en geeft mensen die moeite hebben met Engels de kans om het te vertalen 👍🏻
mal.aep
Why put somethin lik this online everybodie wil now that u hav a disrd nd hav 2 b carefl arund u
Gansha
Just wanted to say that this is wonderfully written and explained and I am very happy for you that this was discovered even though way too late and that you have a starting point to go from now. Best of luck with everything and I can not wait for whatever more you are gonna put out there 😀
Lauren Nicole
You are a beautiful person I can tell even though I don’t know you if you can write something like this yes you feel deeply and are surrounded with maybe too much bad people. That may be hard to hear but if you have to wonder if you are good or enough it isn’t. With the right people this don’t excist.
Don’t wonder about yourself anymore. You have the capacity to loo at yourself, see yourself warts and all and still make a difference, this article is just a example of that.
Show here what you maybe can’t show out there ❤️